Friday, June 16, 2006
I'm lost but not without Hope
Do you ever feel like you're being ridiculous but you can't help it? I'm in knots inside, I feel like my life is falling apart, but in fact I am truly blessed. I have a good family, friends and church. And most of all I know the maker of the universe. So why am I so lost? I don't know what I want to do. I need a full time job. Why don't I just go out and get anything? I'm sick and tired of having no money, why don't I go out and do something about it. I'm frozen by not knowing what I want to do. I'm trying to do what God wants me to do, but I do know that whatever I do, he won't open doors to where he doesn't want me to go, and he will be happy if whatever I'm doing honours him. Or does he have a bigger plan with something perfect?
I have sent out a couple of resumes, but shouldn't I be sending out lots and putting a huge effort into it? Or am I just lazy? I'm not lazy once I start something, I just have trouble starting things.
It's amazing how much of a failure I can feel, just because I can't figure out what I would like to do and go for it.
I'm still talking to God in all this, but I am almost afraid to truly listen to him, what will he say? Is he disappointed in me? Will he comfort me? Do I need comforting or a swift kick in the butt to get moving? The daily verse I get in my email today was about seeking and finding. That's where my hope comes from. Knowing that God will get me through this.
I have sent out a couple of resumes, but shouldn't I be sending out lots and putting a huge effort into it? Or am I just lazy? I'm not lazy once I start something, I just have trouble starting things.
It's amazing how much of a failure I can feel, just because I can't figure out what I would like to do and go for it.
I'm still talking to God in all this, but I am almost afraid to truly listen to him, what will he say? Is he disappointed in me? Will he comfort me? Do I need comforting or a swift kick in the butt to get moving? The daily verse I get in my email today was about seeking and finding. That's where my hope comes from. Knowing that God will get me through this.
# posted by Wes @ 9:26 a.m. 
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"God wants me to do, but I do know that whatever I do, he won't open doors to where he doesn't want me to go, and he will be happy if whatever I'm doing honours him. Or does he have a bigger plan with something perfect?"
I can think of the "no-fear" message on that God can't steer if you're not moving. I can think of the song "the promise" that says when you don't know what to do, just walk straight ahead and God will take you where you need to be. I can think of the message Dave gave about putting faith into action. But I know you've heard all that. You're not lazy, Wendy. You're really really not. As much as I have gotten annoyed with you in the past for whatever, I know that you will get where you need to be - and your mom seems to agree with me. So, if God won't let you get into something that isn't going to honour him, why not just go for something? You asked, does he have a bigger "perfect" plan for you... what if he does, but what if that plan doesn't seem perfect to you (right now)? What if from God's perspective, that perfect plan is that you work retail for a few years, or something that doesn't quite fit what you think you should be doing? What if?
Please don't take this as a criticism, its not...its just something I've been rolling around in my head, and havn't quite known how or when to put it to paper. Well, here it is, and I feel at peace with submitting this.
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I can think of the "no-fear" message on that God can't steer if you're not moving. I can think of the song "the promise" that says when you don't know what to do, just walk straight ahead and God will take you where you need to be. I can think of the message Dave gave about putting faith into action. But I know you've heard all that. You're not lazy, Wendy. You're really really not. As much as I have gotten annoyed with you in the past for whatever, I know that you will get where you need to be - and your mom seems to agree with me. So, if God won't let you get into something that isn't going to honour him, why not just go for something? You asked, does he have a bigger "perfect" plan for you... what if he does, but what if that plan doesn't seem perfect to you (right now)? What if from God's perspective, that perfect plan is that you work retail for a few years, or something that doesn't quite fit what you think you should be doing? What if?
Please don't take this as a criticism, its not...its just something I've been rolling around in my head, and havn't quite known how or when to put it to paper. Well, here it is, and I feel at peace with submitting this.
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