Friday, June 30, 2006

 

Psalm 130

From the depths of despair, O Lord,
I call for your help.
Hear my cry, O Lord.
Pay attention to my prayer.

Lord, if you kept a record of our sins,
who, O Lord, could ever survive?
But you offer forgiveness,
that we might learn to fear you.

I am counting on the Lord;
yes, I am counting on him.
I have put my hope in his word.
I long for the Lord
more than sentries long for the dawn.

O Israel, hope in the Lord;
for with the Lord there is unfailing love
and an overflowing supply of salvation.
He himself will free Israel
from every kind of sin.

Monday, June 26, 2006

 

Perky Nipples

My friends have been encouraging me to let people know what is going on in my head, to let people know who I am. They're often suprise by me, and then I'm suprised because I'm just being me. Like when I wiped my spit on Maeghan, or tickled Niki, or ask questions like how far should you go before marriage.
So I guess you're probably wondering about the Perky Nipples. Last week Jay, our youth pastor, was joking about his perminant perky nipples that he's had ever since he waxed his chest for the LIFT video. He had to pluck around them before he waxed. So anyways, yesterday while we were swimming at Valens Jay mentioned that his nipples were extra perky. So later on I thought about making a comment to him about how his nipples really were super perky, but I chickened out and just commented to Niki later.
So the point of this story is that maybe I should let people in a bit more and share. I would have loved to see the look on Jay's face if I did comment on them. The perky nipples that is.
Oh and the whole story about the way home from camp, I'm still not telling, at first it was because I was afraid of what else I'd say, but now its more fun to bug people by not telling them. Now lets see, do have the guts to make this one comment, empty paper towel roll. A white one, not a brown one.

 

Movies

I watched two movies in the last, lets see, probably 16 hours. One was Firewall, the other was Eight Below.
Firewall wasn't too bad, don't really care for the killing parts, and looking back on it, pretty predictable. But overall, not too bad. Oh ya, and you're right Maeghan, the ending was tacky.
Eight below was good. Acting wasn't perfect but it was a sweet movie. Even cried once.
I do love watching movies. Nice and relaxing, and you get to learn about people. Get to know their lives. Like now after the last two movies I watched I know more about bank computer security and dog sledding.
I think that's why I love reading too, you get to learn about different things, in the context of people's lives.

Friday, June 23, 2006

 

Mary Poppins

I got an award at the volunteer appreciation dinner at my church last night. The Mary Poppins award. A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down. Our associate pastor, Steve, said something like how I'm always talking to everyone and I how I'm always making people happy. What really stands out to me was that he said it was for just being me. I know I try to be nice to people, I didn't realize it was that noticable though.
God seems to be showing me who I am this week. I've had a couple of friends tell me a couple of things about me that some are good, but some not that they're bad, but I don't care to see myself that way.
Today I was praying and asking God what in the world he wants me to do, and I felt like he responded he wants me to be me. Then I thought who am I, and then I realized that God is showing me that.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

 

Auntie Auntie Auntie

I'm going to be an aunt again!!!! I'm so excited. My sister-in-law Breanne is pregnant again. Emma is going to be a big sister! :)
She's only a month along so this is going to be a long wait until February.

Monday, June 19, 2006

 

Learning to let it Out

So after posting my last message, I've been feeling a bit better. I think God is teaching me to not hold things in, because once I let things out there not so much of a problem any more.
Last night during Dave's message he talked about how when you don't get into the school you want, it means that God doesn't want you there. And to be excited about where you get to go next. I think that's my problem, I'm not excited, I'm the opposite of excited. But I'm looking forward to being excited. :)

Friday, June 16, 2006

 

I'm lost but not without Hope

Do you ever feel like you're being ridiculous but you can't help it? I'm in knots inside, I feel like my life is falling apart, but in fact I am truly blessed. I have a good family, friends and church. And most of all I know the maker of the universe. So why am I so lost? I don't know what I want to do. I need a full time job. Why don't I just go out and get anything? I'm sick and tired of having no money, why don't I go out and do something about it. I'm frozen by not knowing what I want to do. I'm trying to do what God wants me to do, but I do know that whatever I do, he won't open doors to where he doesn't want me to go, and he will be happy if whatever I'm doing honours him. Or does he have a bigger plan with something perfect?
I have sent out a couple of resumes, but shouldn't I be sending out lots and putting a huge effort into it? Or am I just lazy? I'm not lazy once I start something, I just have trouble starting things.
It's amazing how much of a failure I can feel, just because I can't figure out what I would like to do and go for it.
I'm still talking to God in all this, but I am almost afraid to truly listen to him, what will he say? Is he disappointed in me? Will he comfort me? Do I need comforting or a swift kick in the butt to get moving? The daily verse I get in my email today was about seeking and finding. That's where my hope comes from. Knowing that God will get me through this.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

 

Blogs

I love how most of my friends seem to be blogging. I've noticed how people are sharing what's on their hearts and then other people are giving awesome supportive comments. Even though we may not talk everyday we are in each other's lives and we are supporting each other. I just think that's awesome!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

 

Trusting God

I was just reading and article from Relevant Magazine about this woman that called off her wedding 18 days before the day. She had thought that God was finally brought her the ultimate desire of her heart. Everything seemed perfect in their relationship, but in private something was missing. This is the part that really got to me:

I realized in hindsight that God had been speaking to me all along, I just didn’t want to hear what He was saying. A month and a half before my wedding God asked me the unthinkable: “Do you trust me enough to call this off?”

In doing so, He was asking me to face my biggest fear—not getting married, the thing that I really want most in life. For me, not getting married means that God really isn’t as good as I say He is. It means He really doesn’t fulfill the desires of our hearts, and that’s scary.

But God asks us to give Him the things that are dearest to our souls, the desires of our hearts. That’s what He did with Abraham when He asked him to sacrifice his promised son, Isaac. That doesn’t make sense, though! God promised to give Abraham a son and finally, after years of waiting, God came through, with Isaac. Why in the world would God ask Abraham to give up that gift? In my opinion, it is for the same reason He asked me to call off my wedding. God wants us to love Him more than we love His promises. The minute we get those out of order, He readjusts us.

I am readjusted.

Unlike Abraham, He didn’t stop me at the last minute on this one, He let me do it, and He’s been carrying me ever since.

I am not sure how my story will end. I know God’s got a lot of work on His hands; there is a lot of healing that must take place.

At the end of the day, however, I can say “I trust you, God,” and mean it; I haven’t meant that in regards to relationships my whole life; that’s the area I’ve kept just for me, thinking that my judgment in that area is better than His.

I am thankful for His grace that saved me from ruining my life by pursuing my dream.


The line about "God wants us to love Him more than we love His promises" got me thinking, do I really love God more than his promises. Do I love him enough that I want whatever he wants just because I love him. I do want what God wants, because I know that he knows best, but I do argue with him fairly often. I get scared that, oh no, what if God wants to teach me this, what if God doesn't want me to get married, then I have to remind myself that God is in control and wants what's best for me, so don't worry, life is better when we put God in control, not worse.
So I know I have some work to do, putting God's desires ahead of my own, not for my own sake but for his.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

 

Line Ups

I had some intersting experiences in line ups this week. Well I guess not interesting, just really long ones that weren't really long at all.
On Weds after work my mom and my sister saw me walking home just after I got off the bus, and they were going to Sweet Paradise. My mom needed to order a cheese cake for my dad's birthday which was yesterday, and the cake by the way was really good, I just had a piece for dinner, which is really bad of me since I'm going to a dessert party at Niki's tonight and I'm going to be eating lots of junk food there, but it was soo tempting. So back to the line up, so I got a number at the deli counter so I could get some meat, cheese and coleslaw for my dinner, and even though I was 58 and it was on 55 and there was 4 people working, it still took like literally 20 min to get my food. The three or four people ahead of me had these super big orders. They must live on cold meat. Good thing Allison had fallen asleep in the car so my sister didn't mind having to wait. They went to two other places (on the same corner) and came back and still had to wait for me.
And then on Thursday I stopped to get bus tickets at the Day Night on my way to Bre's, and even though there was only the person already being served, it took like 10 min to get my tickets because the woman was getting 31 lottery tickets and redeeming some. It must have been for an office and it wasn't the person who usually bought them. She had these instructions that she had to figure out along with the cashier trying to figure out what she wanted. Luckly, or I guess thank God fully, I made my second bus, not that it would have been that big of a deal to miss it, it's only a 10 min walk. If I don't stop at a store on the way, I usually walk to Bre's because it is faster than waiting for the bus.

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