Friend of God

Having a cold still sucks. Thankfully someone was willing to take my shift at work tonight. I 'barked' my way through work this morning. One of the directors said it sounded like I was coughing up a lung.
I'm going to spend the afternoon and evening relaxing and hopefully sleeping, so hopefully I'll feel better for camping tomorrow.

I'm off to bed before midnight for the second night in a row. Last night I actually fell asleep just before midnight. Very unusual for me. I usually fall asleep at 12:30 at the earliest and lately 1. I so hope my cold is better soon. I'm working most of the day tomorrow and I'm going camping this weekend. I so don't want to go camping with a cold. This morning work my nose kept running and I coughed pretty often. It's bad when one of the kids tell you that you shouldn't be at work.
Thank you Lord that this cold isn't as bad as my usual colds are, please help it to get better soon.

The other day I was reading in Matthew about how Jesus called Peter to be one of his disciples. He was a fisherman, and Jesus said to come follow him and he would teach him to be a fisher of men.
Today I read in John about how Jesus had asked Peter three times if he loved him, and even though the first two time Jesus asks Peter if he agape's him Peter only responds with that he phileo's him. The last time Jesus asks Peter if he phileos him. Agape is unconditional love, phileo is a friendship/brotherly love. Earlier on in John it talks about how Peter denied Jesus three times when asked if he knew Jesus.
I was thinking that this really sucked, but then I read the profile on Peter in my bible and it said that even though Peter failed, God had big plans for Peter and used him to do great things. Basically that God uses imperfect people for his plans. In Acts it talks about Peter preaching just after he recieved the Holy Spirit and three thousand people being saved. Wow.
It is cool to think that even though I fail, God can still use me.

Why are people so afraid of being blunt? I know I can be afraid of it, I don't like the idea of hurting people's feelings. But wow, having someone be blunt with you is so much better than wondering what in the world is going on.
So I'm doing something that's bugging you, tell me, I probably wouldn't be doing it if I knew it bugged you. You tell me, I say sorry I didn't realize, then I try not to do it anymore.
Do I send off signals that I can't handle being told stuff? I know I can be emotional, but I'm not going to break. I show my strength from God so much more when I'm forced to use it. So please, don't be afraid to push me, because even if I push back a bit (I have a habit of arguing back), I won't hold it against you and I'll probably thank you for it later.

Life is like a soap opera. At least with God it is a place of forgiveness.
Thank you so much God for getting my butt in gear with devotions this week and making me feel better, because if you hadn't I would be so lost right now. But, you're there, so things will be good. Hopefully, that's your plan. :) At least your plan is perfect. Now if we can all just follow it... that would be good. Help!

So I've been having some good God time this week. I've been reading the scriptures at the end of the songs on the Downhere CD.
I've been using this method that I just learned called SOAP. What you do is write down a verse that stood out to you (Scripture), then an Obersvation, then an Application, and then a Prayer.
It's been really cool using the verses from the CD. I listen to the song that goes with the verses while I read and I find it's been showing me a different way to look at the verses and at the song.
God's been teaching me a lot of stuff this week. It's been really good.

I hate how just as you get used to using a certain shampoo, or deoderant or something like that they go and change it. I had just gotten used to a new shampoo and conditioner and it had become my normal one and they go and change it and I've been having trouble finding it.
I found it on sale today though, there were two bottle of shampoo and two bottles of conditioner left so I bought all four. So hopefully these will last me a while and then I'll have to suck it up and choose something new.

I got my first letter from the kid I'm sponsoring today. She's only 4 so someone else wrote the letter, but she drew a picture for me on the back and wrote her name. Her favourite colour is blue (just like me) and she loves dancing in front of the mirror. How cute!

I thought about the most spectacular thing in my life, God, and wondered if I treated him like a mere monk. Has He grown ordinary to me? Or is He that almost mythical God of the Old Testament that did all those interesting miracles? I can’t handle a common god. I need the One who still does miracles in my life. I don’t want to settle for less. I don’t care how foolish I sound; I want the jaw-dropping life.

Another relavant magazine quote. So basically this one, I want to say about this on is I WANT THAT TOO. I want to know the awe inspiring creater of the universe, miracle worker, not just what I can understand and fit in the box in my head.

I was praying last night and he got me to realize something. I've been trying to not sin on my own strength for years. I've been so worried about keeping myself from sinning I haven't given myself time to just relax and be myself. I also realized that if I could do it on my own strength, not sin, I wouldn't need to be saved. So I guess I need to learn to give God control over all of me and focus on that, not on doing what I should all the time.

James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

I came across this verse the other day and it's been driving me up the wall. I don't like the idea of confessing my sins to someone else. Then I have to let people see the ugly side of myself that I don't like. God's used it lead me through some steps to realizing some stuff that I really don't like about myself.
As soon as I started trying to dismiss what I'm going through and ignore it, I read an article and I found the verse again. God's not letting me hide. No matter how much I want to.
Yes I prayed for God to change me, but I'm not liking the process. I'm starting to understand the idea of God tearing up the old stuff to rebuild you into his own image. The tearing up is painful. It reminds me in the book 'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' when Aslan peels off the dragon skin from Eustace.

"Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off - just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt - and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the other had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me - I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on - and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again."

It didn't hurt that much to realize the stuff, not as much as getting as getting dragon skin torn off, but it definitely isn't pleasant. Reading over that passage now made me realize that I can't get rid of the ugly stuff by myself, that I need God's help. I also realized that in the end I'll end up being who I was created to be.
So I guess I'm going to need to not give up and keep letting people see who I am, even the ugly, so that I can be who God wants me to be. I'm just not liking it to much right now.

I just found out today that one my friends is pregnant. It's really cool, she was pregnant before at the same time as Bre, her son Aaron is a month younger than Emma, and now they're pregnant at the same time again. :)
These are pictures of Aaron.

I called the psych department at mac today and asked if any decisions had been made about the research assistant posistion. They said an offer is out. So basically since I didn't even get called for an interview, I don't think I'm getting the job.
Weird with how excited I was about this job, I'm ok. It sucks, but I'm ok. I did pray that if this was the job I was supposed to get I would and if it wasn't I wouldn't. So I guess I'm learning to trust him.
So what now God?

During my graduate training in psychology, I divorced much of the healing process from God, even though I was at a Christian school. In the classroom, I decided that deep mental forces determined health and wholeness far more than faith. But when I started practicing, I discovered something—life sucks without Jesus.

Don't get me wrong—I'm a good shrink, and I can help someone regardless of his or her theology. Christians suffer just as much as non-Christians, and both can heal and grow. But it's different for people who know Christ. There's a center and a foundation in the midst of suffering. There's a source of grace and forgiveness. There's hope that someone greater than you will come to your aid. And there's meaning and value that can be found even in pain. Though a relationship with God does not ensure a pain-free existence—sometimes it makes life more painful—the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune don't leave as deep a mark.

After years of systematically tearing down the evangelical convictions of my youth, I realized again that people need Jesus. I believed that as a kid, but I believe it and feel it now. It's not just a matter of heaven and hell or even right or wrong. We were created to be in relationship with God. Without that, life doesn't make as much sense. It's harder to have hope in dark times.


I really like this Relevant Magazine.

One of my friends is talking about talking to God and asking for his advice on her life. Wow! I've been praying for this for years. It's a miracle. I really hope and pray that she does it and really meets God. Oh I know her life won't be perfect, but wow, if she leans on God will her life be better. I can't wait to see what he does in her life. Thank you Lord!

So I have a break from PowerPoint for the next two weeks. Then I have one week where I have to do it, and then I have another week off. That last week is the camping trip. I'm thinking that I'm going to try to get that inbetween week off too, somehow. I really need the chunk of time before we start in with Alt every week again.
Dave talked about having a vision in your ministry today. I really need that. I do need the time off, but really need vision more. The work isn't too bad, not too much work lately, not really any new songs and I haven't had to make many slides. I just know that I can't go into another year of work without having an attitute change. There is nothing in me that wants to stop doing PowerPoint, I just know that if I don't start the year excited and refreshed I'm not going to make it through the year.
I guess I need vision in other aspects of my life too. I need to find a full time job that I am actually excited about doing. That job I applied for a couple of weeks ago sounds exciting, and even though I'm leaving it in God's hands, I'm scared that if I don't get this job, I still won't know what I want to do and won't have any direction.
I really need peace and joy from God of where my life is going.

How come I'm half asleep at like 4 or 5 pm, when everyone else is wide awake, and then at 11 pm when everyone else is half asleep I'm wide awake and raring to go? So annoying!
PS - Don't anyone dare appologize for being half asleep last night!

Early tonight I was in the bath and I had the feeling I should make sure I took the time to connect with God. The bath seems to be the best place for me to focus, I can't really go anywhere. So anyways, I couldn't focus so I got the feeling I should do my five minutes of deep breathing that I was told to do a day by my physiotherapist. So I stopped and struggled through actually relaxing for five minutes straight. So when I was through with that, I pray and I hear, "Be still and know that I am God". So a bit more actual relaxing. Then a couple of minutes ago I read this:

Step back from your busy life for the few minutes that you read this and reflect. After you read this, take five minutes, and sit in silent solitude. No phones (texting, etc), no computer (AIM, MySpace, etc), no music, no XBox 360, no talking. Nothing but silence. If you haven't experienced this in a while, the sound will be loud, and you'll see what I mean.
In the book Facedown by Matt Redman, Bill Hybels, pastor of Willow Creek, asked, "Is the ambient noise level of my life low enough for me to hear the whispers of the Lord?"

So I get it God, being quiet to is a really good way to hear from you. :) Thanks for reminding me.

Tonight has been a night of learning. Learning about my fears and learning to trust. God has blessed me with some awesome friends and I'm learning to trust him and them.
It is a beautiful thing the love of God, a sweet still voice that carries all the strengt I could ever need. Now if only I can remember to turn to him for that strength, and not worry when I don't have the strength to do it on my own. I'm not supposed to do it on my own.
Ok God, trust you, lean on you, don't worry. Yikes I'm going to need your help with this one. Be me. Just be the person that God created me to be. Scary. But somehow fun.